I was feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to tell myself that it was the enemy, the devil trying to throw me off....But I was unsettled.
But why did I keep getting this nagging thought that would just not go away? Why did I believe deep down that it was God's voice I was hearing? My heart was breaking- it didn't make sense...
But there it was- God was asking me to step down from leading worship with my husband at our home church.
Now this might not seem like a big deal to some...but to me it was my purpose. To me, it was what I loved to do and I loved to do it for Jesus. I thought I'd found 'my place'. Singing allowed me to pour my heart out to Jesus, to express my passion and love for Him. I couldn't express my love to Him any more freely than when I was singing-worshipping Him. God would give me vision as I sang and I would sing prophetically through song.... So none of this, NONE of it made sense...
I cried to God, I begged, I pleaded...but the response was still the same... "step down from leading worship"
Isn't it funny how we say to God, "Ok, I will...BUT will you please tell me WHY first?" I like everything in my life to "make sense"..I like it when it's all wrapped up in a pretty little package..I like KNOWING everything... Anyone else nodding their heads right now saying "yup, I'm the saaaammmmeee way!"
But God didn't tell me.......
God didn't give me an explanation.......
God didn't say "if you step down from leading worship, it will just be for a short time....
He said none of that.
He just said- STEP DOWN.
I had a decision to make. Do I stay on the worship team and sing for Him when He doesn't want me up there anymore? OR do I step down and obey Him and love Him and trust Him and desire HIM more then MY desire to sing for Him?
I stepped down. I got on my knees and told My Daddy God that I loved Him more...That I would never be able to live with myself if I continued to walk in disobedience. It hurt a lot at first! I won't lie to you and tell you that my heart didn't hurt, because it did!! But once I stepped down from the worship team, a weight had been lifted, a peace filled my heart.... I may have not know the answer as to WHY, but my God did..and that was all that mattered.
Friends, if you feel God asking you to step down from something, to lay something down at His feet, to give something up - Don't run from it. He will never ever ask you to do anything that will cause you harm. He has a plan and it's a GOOD plan for your life .
Jeremiah 29:11 says -For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
What an awesome post! It's so hard to back off from church-related activities, isn't it??? But this whole study is reminding me that ANY activity that's not in His will for us isn't what we're meant to do. When He calls us to step down, step away, or step up, we're supposed to listen! Thank you for sharing your heart with us!
ReplyDeleteNot always easy to step down when He says get to stepping, especially when it's something we love to do and think it's what we're meant to do. After all, He gave us the gift, right? Just as much as we need to trust Him, He needs to trust that we want Him more than anything. He is an awesome God, but He is a jealous God. After all what could even compare to the sacrifice He sent us. Thanks for sharing Tara!! Loved reading this!!
ReplyDeleteTrish (OBS small group leader 53)
Wonderful post! Sometimes we just have to open the palms, say yes, and trust that it all fits into God's plan. Even if we never see or understand the "why"
ReplyDeleteI wish he would give me a larger picture as well! Isn't it funny how we ask to hear from him & then when he does speak, we ask him to say something else.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and reminding us to follow in obedience one step at a time and to remember that he has our best at heart :)
Great post!! So glad you said Yes. I guess that is why He is the one making the plans and we are to follow. Thanks for sharing~ (OBS Small Group Leader)
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way. I like things to make sense and I like to know why, but when God tells me to do something, he doesn't ask me to try to figure it out.
ReplyDeleteLast week our pastor talked about pruning our lives...even pruning things we're doing for God because it may be hindering us from growing new fruit in our lives.
Sometimes we won't know why and just have to accept it. It ALWAYS works out for our good.